A recent survey has compiled all the qualities that people expect from the perfect priest. Here we share some of them with you.

Results of a computerized survey indicate that the perfect priest preaches exactly 12 minutes. He frequently condemns sin but never upsets anyone. He works from 8.00am until midnight and is also a janitor, does the maintenance and is a cook. He makes R50 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car and gives about R50 weekly to the poor. He is 28 years old, has been preaching for 30 years. He is wonderfully gentle and handsome. He gives of himself completely, but never gets close to anyone, lest he be criticized. He speaks boldly on social issues, but must never become politically involved.

He has a burning desire to work with teenagers: he spends all the time with senior citizens. The perfect priest smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humour that keeps him seriously dedicated to his work. He makes 15 calls daily on parish families, visits the house-bound and the hospitalised, spends all his time evangelising the unchurched, and is always in his office whenever he is needed.

If your priest doesn’t measure up, simply send this letter to six other parishes that are tired of their priest, too. Then bundle up your priest and send him to the church at the top of the list. In one week, you will receive 1 463 priests … and at least one of them should be perfect enough to suit your parish. Have faith in this letter. One parish broke the chain and got its old priest back in less than three months.

A priest’s life is hard enough. Yet people make it harder by wanting priests to shape up to all their dreams and desires of what a priest should be! Accept his humanity, support his ministry and love him for the person he is and don’t forget to pray for him!